I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
