so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
