On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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