I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
