I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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