You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
