Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
