i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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