she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
