So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
