New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
