I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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