just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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