I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
