I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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