I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
