He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
