How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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