I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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