hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
