Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
