four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me i tasted like america
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
