The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
