please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
