So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
