At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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