The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
