Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
