I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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