There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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