So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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