the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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