Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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