I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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