guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
