we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
