i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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