If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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