Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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