he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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