you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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