haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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