Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
