okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
