He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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