So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
