I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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