Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
