sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
