And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
