At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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