You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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