Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
