Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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