you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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