so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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