How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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