Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
