I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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