Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
