so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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